In short
Heritage sources document a handful of Chinese wedding customs clearly: which colour is linked to good fortune and which to mourning, who takes part in rituals such as an chuang and shang tou (上头), and how auspicious days and hours are chosen. Many other “taboos” repeated online are not documented in the sources reviewed for this guide, so we have left them out rather than repeat them as fact. What matters most for your own wedding is what your parents, grandparents and elders expect, so ask them directly.
- Roots records that the red of the bride’s qun kua symbolises good fortune and happiness; BiblioAsia describes mourning clothes in Singapore being dyed black.
- Roots collection records also show black-and-red bridal outfits, including a kua worn at a wedding in March 1937 and acquired in Singapore, and a Hong Kong kua whose record calls black and red a popular combination in the 1940s and 1950s.
- Roots describes a young boy jumping and rolling on the matrimonial bed on the wedding day, and a woman considered to have good fortune combing the hair at shang tou the night before.
- The National Library Board’s Infopedia describes betrothal gifts presented on an auspicious day, usually chosen from the tong shu, and shang tou held during an auspicious hour.
- Roots and Infopedia both record that customs differ between dialect groups, so ask your own elders rather than assume a folk taboo applies to you.
- Once you know what your family wants observed, share it with your photographer so it can be planned for rather than missed.
What the heritage sources document, and what they do not
This guide draws on the National Heritage Board’s Roots portal, the National Library Board’s Infopedia article on Chinese weddings, BiblioAsia and Roots collection records. Together they document the colour and symbolism of the bride’s qun kua, the an chuang and shang tou rituals and who takes part in them, and the choice of auspicious days and hours. They do not set out a list of things to avoid on the wedding day itself, so where a custom is not documented in the sources reviewed, this guide says so rather than repeating it as fact.
Infopedia opens its article by noting that Chinese wedding customs and traditions generally vary according to dialect group, and that although modernisation has simplified traditional marriage rituals, a Chinese wedding is often not considered complete until the couple have performed the customary rites.
Colours associated with mourning, and a more complicated history
Roots notes that some couples keep traditional outfits for rituals such as the tea ceremony, including the red qun kua for the bride, and records that the red symbolises good fortune and happiness; the embroidery often features phoenix and floral motifs. On mourning dress, BiblioAsia’s history of Sago Lane describes the sou yi, the clothing bereaved family members wore during a three-year mourning period, being dyed black. The sources reviewed for this guide do not document plain white in Chinese funeral custom in the same detail, and none of them states a rule against wearing black or white at a wedding, so ask your family whether they have any preferences about black or plain white as the dominant colour of wedding attire.
Roots’ own collection records complicate a simple rule against black. One record describes a kua worn by a bride who married in March 1937: its black blouse is embroidered with phoenix and peony motifs in gold, silver and coloured metallic thread, and the same motifs reappear on its red skirt. The record adds that she probably wore it for the tea ceremony, having worn a western gown for the wedding ceremony, and that her granddaughter wore the same kua for her own wedding in 1995. Another record, of a kua bearing a Hong Kong shop tag, describes its fitted black jacket and red skirt as “a colour combination popular in the 1940s and 1950s”. Our guide to Chinese wedding colours goes through these records in more detail.
Whether black or white matters to your family, and how strictly, is worth asking directly, including for earlier occasions such as the betrothal visit; our guide to what to wear for guo da li covers outfit choices for that day.
Who takes part in an chuang and shang tou
Roots describes an chuang (安床), preparing the matrimonial bed, as taking place three days to one week before the wedding: the bed is covered with new linen, and a big red tray filled with items meant to signify prosperity is placed on it. On the wedding day, before the couple arrive, a young boy, ideally one born in the Year of the Dragon, is asked to jump and roll on the bed to bless the couple with many children. Our guide to the an chuang ceremony covers who families traditionally ask to set the bed.
Shang tou (上头), the hair-combing ritual, takes place the night before the wedding, at the respective homes of the bride and groom. Roots describes each of them facing a pair of lighted candles while a woman considered to have good fortune, someone whose husband, children and grandchildren are alive, combs the hair four times and repeats an auspicious phrase each time. Infopedia adds that the ceremony may be performed by the parents of the bride and groom, or by an elderly or respected female relative who is happily married and has many children and grandchildren. Our guide to the hair-combing ceremony covers the ritual in more detail.
If either ritual matters to your family, ask your parents early whom they plan to invite to take part.
Auspicious days and hours
Timing runs through several of these customs. Roots describes guo da li, the betrothal gift exchange, as held on an auspicious day two to four weeks before the wedding. Infopedia says that, according to Chinese custom, the betrothal gifts should be presented on an auspicious day, usually chosen from the tong shu, the Chinese almanac, and gives a shorter lead time of one to two weeks, so confirm the timing with your family. Infopedia also describes shang tou as held during an auspicious hour.
Infopedia notes that some families make sure the pin jin, the bride price given in a red packet during guo da li, contains auspicious numbers: the Cantonese like the number nine, which sounds like the word for “longevity” in Cantonese and Mandarin. Our guide to choosing a wedding date in Singapore covers how families weigh auspicious-date considerations against venue availability and guest convenience.
What else varies by family and dialect group
Roots records, through wedding planner Rubina Tiyu, that the different Chinese dialect groups in Singapore have their own practices and traditions. Among her examples, the Cantonese bride usually wears the qun kua when the groom comes to fetch her, and the Teochews believe the bride should leave her home before sunrise, so they hold the gatecrash very early in the morning. Infopedia similarly records that the types of betrothal gift differ among dialect groups, and Roots adds that modernisation, busy schedules and budget constraints have led some to simplify certain rituals. Our guide to Chinese weddings in Singapore sets these customs in the order of the wedding.
Some online lists of wedding taboos mention customs such as keeping scissors away from the couple, asking pregnant guests to stay away from certain rituals, or the bride not looking back as she leaves her family home. The heritage sources reviewed for this guide do not document these customs, so this guide does not treat them as established rules. If a specific practice matters to your family, ask your parents, grandparents or elders how they observe it.
Discussing expectations with both families
Expectations around colours, who takes part in a ritual or the timing of each step can differ between the two families, depending on dialect group and how closely each household follows tradition. Ms Tiyu’s advice, as Roots records it, is for couples to ask their families: “you don’t want to disrespect them at the end of the day.” Raise the question with each set of parents early, before outfits, dates and vendors are booked.
If the two families hold different views on a custom, look for a version both sides are comfortable with rather than dismissing either family’s preference, and agree it before you brief your vendors.
Planning your photography around these customs
Once you know which customs your family wants observed, share the details with your photographer and videographer: outfit colours, who has been asked to take part in an chuang or shang tou, and the date and timing of each ritual. Roots places the bed preparation three days to one week before the wedding and shang tou the night before, but the boy’s jumping and rolling on the bed on the wedding day, so discuss coverage for each step separately.
For the wedding morning, mention any family customs that affect the gatecrash and the tea ceremony, such as an early gatecrash if your family follows the Teochew belief Roots describes, or who should be seated where, so your photographer can plan timing and positions in advance. Our guide to capturing guest reactions during the gatecrash covers how to brief the team for that part of the morning.
Use the sources above as a starting point, and ask your family which customs they wish to observe. If you would like to talk through the customs your family plans to observe, check your date with us, or read more about our wedding photography.